Something Happened Today.

I got a phone call from the caseworker that put all things into perspective. Obviously, without divulging any facts of the case, these kids may be leaving a heck of a lot sooner than was expected. And it kind of made me sad.

Believe me, I was just as shocked as you.

But first let me put my feelings into words. It comes as no surprise to anyone familiar with this blog that I wouldn't mind these kids leaving. My first sadness is for the kids. I am sad that they may just be shipped off somewhere else. That they may be doing this all over again. That it may just be another foster home to add to the list. Because they don't deserve this. No child deserves this kind of crap.

And I'm sad that they have a sucky family.

My third sadness is for myself. I went from being busy with work, to being really busy with work and kids, to being busy with kids. And now it seems I'm headed for nothingness. Which is awkward, and lazy, and wasteful. And I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle going from wanting to rip my hair out from all the noise, to wanting to rip my hair out from all the quiet.

Another sadness is that I feel like I've put in so much effort in teaching values and morals and goals, just to see it might go to waste. Save for college, save for college! What if wherever they go next, their new role model doesn't much care about saving for college? Or doing homework. Or being home on time. Or washing your hands. I feel like I need to be in on the interview process or something.

Simply put, I didn't realize until today that I generally care for the welfare of these children. Yes, I may not feel like I can make them a part of my family permanently, but I've got my fingers crossed for their future. They are good kids. And they really can do great things, I'm sure of it. I just pray that they can find the support that they need to succeed.

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