The End of the Year.

Reflecting on all the wonderful times of 2014, like our beautiful trip to Hawaii, and becoming parents for the first time, while also remembering those more miserable times, like becoming parents for the first time.

We celebrate New Years Eve by putting our 3D television and copy of The Hobbit to good use. The kids are off celebrating at visitation, who knows where, staying up until all hours of the night, I'm sure. My Christmas tree is still harboring presents, with the kids having been at visitation since before the holidays. Wondering if that will be one of our more horrible ideas, letting them stay that long, but I guess we'll find out when they get home, which is who knows when. Really.

Ready for this phase of our foster care experience to be over.

But 2015 will find us continuing on with foster care, as we've decided to give it another go. When our kids leave, we open ourselves up to be foster parents once again. We've decided to only take one child this time and we've discussed only doing 0-12 month olds. According to our caseworker, our kids will be leaving our home sometime in January, which in caseworker speak means before the end of February...probably.

2015 will also find us with a trip to Napa in March, and I'm sure many unplanned happenings, the good and the bad.

To be honest, my forecast of 2015 is rather boring. I see a year of simplicity. I see a year mundane. After the last few years that we've had, a boring year is probably more of what we need. But I already see myself wishing for something more exciting. Telling myself that if I want something more, then I need to get out and chase it, but already realizing my expectations for myself are rather low. I don't know if its the ever-changing life of foster parenting, or my inherited traits, that keep me from following the excitement, but whatever it is, I'm grateful to have another year to play it out.

Happy New Year!


The Last Days

Today was that kind of day. The kind where everything seemed to be blowing up around me, all while in the comfort of my own home. I even stayed in my pajamas the entire day in an effort to make the day just that much more comfortable. Joke is on me.

The kids are off track, and what is it with the blasted Pokémon cards anyway? I have never hated a toy more. And it's not really even a toy. I did the most fair thing I could do to settle the battle between the two boys yet I still get slammed by the emotions of the middle child. He is my crier. And boy did he cry today.

But really, that's not what put me over the edge.

I know they try their best, but those state workers....

As foster parents, all we really are hoping for is a bit of communication. When something happens in the case, we feel like we should be at the top of the list for people to call. Our caseworker is really good at completely forgetting we are on the call list at all.

We had court this week. From the court hearing, we expected that the kids could be moved anytime from mid-January to the end of February. The CASA worker called today and asked me if I had anymore information about the kids being moved ASAP, because that is what she had been told was happening.

News to me.

The caseworker is back at it. Sharing information with everyone else but me. Apparently, she had spoken too soon, so the kids will not be moved "ASAP". But to me, that's not the point. I had to hear through the grapevine that the kids were going to be moved.

But that's almost not the point either. That long moment between the voicemail from the CASA worker and the text reply from the caseworker, my anxiety was through the roof! Was the moment finally here? The moment of preparing the kids to go to a new home? And suddenly I didn't know if I was to laugh or to cry. Because heaven knows, the kids have tested my limits and with the lack of attachment, we've been nearly excited to have them move on. But then realizing that my little five year old buddy, who the other day asked me if Jesus sleeps, will no longer be following me around, asking me questions just to hear the sound of her own voice; that's going to be hard to get used to.

Yes, we know that these kids will be leaving soon. Very soon. Some days, days like today, not soon enough. But it's weird when suddenly your timetable is thrown off.

What an overly emotional life we foster parents lead.