Biological Folk

Here's the thing about biological parents.

In the beginning, when we originally decided to become foster parents, I thought I had my mind made up about them. You know, the whole, you should never have become a parent because you suck at it and got your children taken away attitude.

Then I went through the training classes, and our fantastic instructor was able to alter my thoughts and prejudgments. Biological parents are simply people who have made some mistakes, and its partially our duty as foster parents to help them fix those mistakes so that they can get their children back.

Okay, so now I'm a foster parent. Which means I now have the knowledge that I need to make my own decision regarding biological parents (or at least the ones I currently deal with). So what do I think? Well, they kinda suck. Which is sad and terrifying because their children think the world of them (well mostly, the older children seem to have a quite a few biases against one of the parents). One of the parents had reached out saying they wanted to have a visitation. This parent has yet to have had one in the two months that the children have been in foster care. All this parent needed to do was to call and confirm with the caseworker. That's it. And this parent didn't. So now after telling them all week they have a visitation today, I now get to tell them that they don't. Because apparently making a simple phone call was too much for the children that you gave life. Biological parent, you were the one that reached out. Perhaps you should keep your promises and maybe your older children wouldn't hate you (the word isn't mine, the kids were the ones that said it). The other biological parent used to have visits and currently does not. And I may be evil for saying it, but I'm glad. It's so hard to watch the kids go to these visits where they are showered with toys, and treats, and the near worship that goes on when you know what a loser their parent is. As much as I want the kids to be with their parents and families, it is so disappointing to know that they may turn out to be just like them.

Yes, my influence of a few months may do some good, but if foster care has taught me anything, the number one thing I have learned is that you can't undo years of bad habits. In the end, these kids don't want to be here, and their old ways are how they can hold onto their family and their home.


So kids.

Here's the thing. They can be pretty annoying. It's hard to remember that they are not, nor should they be, on the same maturity level as you. And why do they ask so many questions? Especially during movies. They have to know what is going to happen before it happens. What happened to the element of surprise? My 5 year old today asked me probably 3,000 times what we were having for dinner. Hamburgers. We are barbecuing hamburgers. Over and over again. She saw me prepare the meat. She was with me when I purchased the buns. And about 10 minutes before dinner she asks if we are having hot dogs. So I replied "Yes", because why not? I tell her a million times that we are having hamburgers, which apparently I couldn't convince her of, but I tell her one time that we are having hot dogs and she runs around the house telling her brothers that we are having hot dogs. Which thoroughly confused them because they had previously inquired about dinner and they knew that we were having hamburgers. So that's how dinner went.

The kids are already begging to go back to their relatives for visitation for the weekend. We really are only allowed one night visitations, but last weekend, we were able to get two, which is confusing to kids because now they expect to spend every Friday thru Sunday with their extended family. The caseworker approved a two night visitation for this weekend also, which is awesome for us, however, there is always the fear of the relatives suddenly having plans that don't include my three kids. Which would just simply devastate all of us.

And the boys are folding origami together right now and not fighting. So this is a miracle. 

And this is the voice of a foster mom on a Wednesday night, who has thoughts, but has a hard time compiling them. 



Most of the time, I am thinking to myself what in the heck was I thinking? It's hard. Very hard. My 10 and 9 year old boys make me want to walk out on the entire experience. When they aren't fighting with each other, they are pushing Mike and I to our very limits. The 5 year old is great when she's alone, but when her brothers get home from school she suddenly takes on their personalities and I sometimes feel like I'm in a constant war between the hours of 3:25pm and 9:00pm. 

My saving grace?

Weekend visitations. 

We are lucky enough to have the kids do overnights with their extended family on the weekends. And this weekend they got Friday and Saturday night! Nearly three full days of being on our own agenda. I know that many foster families don't get the opportunity to have overnight visitation as much as we do, and I definitely know that the Lord was looking out for me on this one, because he knew that to keep a small portion of my sanity, I would need those weekend visitations. (The behaviors when they return from visitations is a different story for a different day.)

This weekend we fished, we shopped, we attended the temple, we ate all you can eat pizza, we watched Gravity, we went to church and we spent time with family. Hopefully regenerating us for another week.