Today We Sent An Email.

The email that I thought I would never send. The email that makes me like a failure.
The email that also makes me happier than I've felt in a long time.
The email that says they have until March 7th to move the children.

Here's the thing. It's not just about us.
I could go on and on about how this match of us and the kids is just not working,
and how I'm exhausted being a mother of three kids that aren't mine,
or I could reference you back to all the blog posts from May 2014 until now.

But the kids. Oh the kids. They are starting to lose it.
The meltdowns have increased.
The tears wept seem to be soaking t-shirts and pillows all over the house.
My 11 year old tells me he just wants to be with family.
And I hugged him. And guys, he hugged me back.
Laid his head on my shoulder and hugged me back.
I know, buddy, but you just can't be with family right now. It was heartbreaking.

We have another court date in just over a week,
where the caseworker is supposed to show up with a plan.
A laid out plan, a timeline if you will,
for the kids to be placed in a permanent home.
But we all know, she's not going to have a plan.
So for the sake of the children, and our own sanity,
Mike and I will be forcing her into a plan. Which must be executed by March 7th.

Our hope is that she will jump into action and get these kids a home so that they won't have to be moved multiple times.
It is not our intention to have the kids move from foster home to foster home.
According to the information provided to Mike and I,
which may or may not be accurate,
she has several families that seem to want the children and it's just a matter of presenting them to committee so that a family can be chosen.
Then a few visits later, the kids should be making a permanent move.
We hope that we've lit a fire under them.
Because these kids need to be where they are going to be forever, as soon as possible.
They can't handle the uncertainty much longer.

I've been told several times that their behavior is "normal".
The meltdowns are all in reference to the fear that the children have about their future mixed with the anxiety of their past.
I understand that. I took classes on that.
What I want to know is why they aren't doing anything about it.
Just because it's normal behavior, does not mean that we should continue to let the children suffer. Let's fix it.
The caseworker may not be here each and every day to see the trauma that the kids are going through, but I am.
I get to hear that they hate being here.
I get to hear that they just want to be with mom and dad.
I get to deal with the fighting, and the screaming, and the crying.
So I guess it's only natural for me to want to force the caseworkers hand all in an effort to get her to see the enormity of the situation.